9.29.2010

i hate this post

So I've had pretty bad anxiety lately. Its the kind that will cripple me with dizziness, stomach pains, sweats and grinding teeth. I don't know how to control it. 

I've realized what is causing it and its self doubt and insecurities usually with sharing things that im passionate about and love. The whole "what if everyone thinks its god-awful and i suck and i am totally unaware of it and think im super talented...?" is on repeat in my brain and i start obsessing over and over the worst case scenario. I get scared. Its so ridiculous and i feel so stupid for feeling that way. 

I used to have a bad case of the anxiety attacks a few years back but learned how to control my thoughts and would pray when i could feel myself starting to go there but its like I've forgotten how to. I don't know where my confidence went. I feel like im not great at anything and im surrounded by soooo many of my friends who are all talented, gifted and beautiful. That can be intimidating at times. Sometimes i get into the 'why even bother' mind set and then i just start staying home and being quiet all the time. So lame, right? When did i get so freaking sensitive??

My last anxiety episode was on Thursday morning right before work. My mind got started and i couldn't even finish getting ready for work so i went to lay down for a minute to calm myself down and Geoff asked me what was wrong. When i told him what i was thinking he talked me through it and told me how crazy my thoughts were without making me feel crazy. I felt a lot better, got through it and went on to do what i was afraid to do. Hes been helping me with keeping my thoughts in check with reality and that's been the most helpful thing. Sometimes when you get so deep into your own thought bubble its hard to step outside of it and give yourself a reality check. 
 
I cant be scared of sharing me. I know i will get rejected sometimes and it wont be the end of my the world.

2 comments:

Té la mà Maria - Reus said...

very good blog, congratulations
regard from Reus Catalunya
thank you

herchekshmerchek said...

I know what you mean, with the anxiety. I get like that sometimes. Seriously Candice, you're super talented! I hope we can hang out sometime!

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