8.21.2009

300 + the QLC

THIS IS MY 300TH POST!
almost exactly two years ago i started this blog to post pictures and anything i thought my friends and i would find funny. basically twitpic before it existed.
ive tried to always keep this place light hearted and stayed away from the diary style, not to say i don't enjoy reading those, its just not me to do that. and i wanted to stay out of the drama and vulnerability that can occur when you open up about things. buuut, seeing as this is a big milestone and its my blog i thought id update you on myself from then and now. ive been kinda putting this off because ive been having a heavy heart lately and didn't want to sound like i wasn't happy or grateful or COMPLAINING. heaven forbid.

living situation:
i had just moved out of an apt my little brother & i shared (praise the Lord!) and into an apt Brenda and i shared (praise the Lord again!) . it was her first time moving away from her family and our first time living together like that. then after an attempted robbery and coming home to cops breaking into the drunk neighbor's place we moved into what has been dubbed "the sheshack" with Jolene and Heather. but heath got hitched and Linds moved in. and then came June :)

school:
i had just started going back to rcc at night to finish up my general ed and raise my GPA to apply for Chapman. after working full time and going to school full time for a year and half i applied to Chapman university's dodge college for a BA in film production. i got on the waiting list but didn't make it in. mixed emotions about this. i really did want to get in but deep down inside the insecure me i was petrified if i did actually get accepted. my gift for finding the silver lining helped me realize its all good. now i won't be putting myself in huge debt and it won't hold up plans on buying a house and getting married.

work:
i still work for my family's companies. bummed on this. especially as of lately. its so hard to work with your family. but im trying to get out and applying for other jobs elsewhere.

God:
my love and our relationship has grown so much in the past two years. i still have a hard time accepting His grace. i get stuck in the cycle of when i do something bad i want to retreat and stop going to church and talking to Him. i guess i just get ashamed. even when i ask for forgiveness i cant shake that guilty feeling even though i know He has forgotten about it. ill never comprehend His love and grace.

mods:
ive added a few new tattoos and removed a piercing. after seeing this really annoying guy with the same lip piercing as me at the angels game on my birthday last year i removed it the next day. and in April 08 Geoff and i ended up hanging out a whole day together and we got our lips tattooed by Los. Geoff got the word "PRAY" and i got "i [heart] [pic of ice cream cone]". surprisingly mine it still there and legible but Geoff's "P" faded quick and now his says "RAY". i also got the tops of my feet done. its this painting i saw by Lynette may that i fell in love with a while ago. my mom cried and hit my arm when she saw it. she has a love/hate with my tattoos. hates that i did it but loves to show them off to her friends.

love:
oh my love life.... when i first started this i was dating Jonathan. but after a few breakups we realized we were better friends. and to this day he is still one of my good friends. a few months after Jonathan, Geoff and i started talking and quickly fell hard for each other. there was a lot of drama with that. seems everyone else saw it before we did. but we took the high road and kept our mouths shut as not to feed into the gossip and lies. thankfully all that drama has subsided (as it should after we've being together over a year). he'll be home in 5 days! hes been gone for about 2 months and absence has totally made our hearts grow founder (as if they could). and in all honesty, i didn't except to miss him this much! ive never done the long distance thing for this long. wasn't too bad though. just hearing his voice is like seeing him. but i cant wait to have my best friend back in my arms.

QLC:
my birthday is next week and i definitely have a case of the quarter life crisis. (Gabe and Chris, my apologies for making fun of you both when you turned this age and went thru it. and if you didn't know i made fun of you im sorry again for letting you know via this paragraph) i totally want the hubs, the home, and a career. what the hell?! when did i start wanting these huge responsibilities?
ive just been reevaluating everything in my life the past few months and have been trying to move forward but i keep getting slamming doors and No's. basically all my plans and back up plans for this year aren't going to happen. getting into Chapman- denied. buying my own place- gotta save up a lil' more. and finding a new job that ill actually like- harder than i thought. its starting to weight heavy on my confidence. But i know God is faithful and He's got something going on. im just trying to keep my eyes open and my heart ready.

and finally... you guys:
what this first started out i think just Mark and Gabe were the only ones reading this but it quickly became many more people. some of you i haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet but hope to someday. and i get a good amount of visitors coming through here whenever i post something new(and man, did you guys REALLLLYYY like that look-a-like post!) and can see where you all are from. from corona to NY to England to Singapore. its crazy and i am humbled. apologies for my bad grammar. but you keep coming back so you must not mind.


so ya, im not a failure, i swear. i am blessed and don't know why. ive got my God, my love, beautiful friends and a roof over my head.
stoked. on. life.

8.14.2009

Introducing Mr & Mrs Webb

Last saturday i got to see one of my best friends Matt get married to the beautiful and sweet Mareena. I didnt get any video of the ceremony because jojo and i were helping out with the coordinating so we were in the back for the first part of it. but let me tell you, i havent cried at a wedding in years and i got teary eyed there. you could just feel the love they had for each other and it was really intimate. plus i was just so over the freaking moon that matt found someone so amazing and lovely and with a huge heart for God.
so much fun at the reception that night.
here's a little bit of what my camera recorded. i had to use imovie again so its really crappy editing so dont judge me on that.

8.12.2009

she's gifted.







fridge magnet----->









...holding up june's picture----->






when "IF" turns into "when"

ever since ever i've never really had that desire to be a mom. which is weird being a little girl and not wanting to babysit or hold babies and is really weird being a woman and not wanting to really be a mom. i think a lot attributed to not growing up around any babies or really little kids and every time i did try to hold or watch them it always turned into both of us crying.
but a few years ago i realized my lack of desire was more of a fear. it was the fear of actually birthing something.
now this next part is going to sound selfish but.... besides being freaked out by labor i also did not want my body to be wreck by giving birth and my husband not find me attractive anymore.
see i had actually heard my friends husband make such terrible comments about how her body isn't the same and she will never looks as good again. and to top it off i guess he saw her push the baby out. yeahh.... what he said about down there you can imagine. so ya, that basically scared the shit out of me. and i know what some of you are thinking, that guy is a jerk for saying that stuff about his wife, but he was being honest. and it really did rock my world. i had heard men say how sexy their woman was pregnant with their child and stuff like that. naturally i kinda felt i was fed some fairytale b.s. again.

years later after seeing a few friends go through adopting kids (one was "open adoption" and the other was "foster to adopt". they both has a fairly easy process from some of the stories ive been told) i knew in my heart that is where i will get my kid from. i just felt it. i mean why bring another child into the world when there are so many already without moms & dads and homes and love? i later felt that confirmed by God and so i broke the news to my mom that i had no plans to give her any grand kids of blood relation. she said she will love them just the same and was just relieved to hear that i would actually be open to having kids someday.

there were even a couple of guys who i was sorta talking to (like that) that said they would never adopt. that they needed a brood of their own flesh and blood. and they told me it was honorable that i wanted to adopt. yes, because loving another human being is honorable.
i later stopped taking offense to comments like this and realized its just not every one's cup of tea.

im not sure what it really is; confidence in being a woman, God working on my heart, maturing, and/or geoff being the amazing patient man he is, but...

...i would totally be up for having one (1). someday far far FAR away.

i really do contribute a lot of it to geoff. no person has ever made me feel more loved and beautiful than he does. i wouldn't be afraid or ashamed of my body after giving birth. plus i find him way sexy and who wouldn't want to procreate with this! amiright? plus, the world could use another one of him around.

also, after reading this guy's blog about his wife's pregnancy and her labor it really inspired me and mixed up some emotions. ladies, i encourage you to click that link and read their labor story. guys, its written by the man and its all in his perspective so you might find it really interesting as well.

well, yeah, i ask to hold babies now and will even point out their cuteness to friends. it sounds stupid, i know. but ask brenda and she can tell you the day i pointed out a cute baby in another car we both gave each other that "what the f*** did you just say?" look.


and im done being really open and over sharing now. hope i didn't bore you. or gross you out. just wanted to share a small part of my heart that God has seriously done an overhaul on.

8.04.2009

"She's a lady..."

Recently i started a internship for a fabulous company called In The Now.
i can not express how much i love the ladies i get to work with. they are all so creative and beautiful. very intimidating to work with at times.
oh, did i mention that In The Now is a wedding and event coordinating? i get to help coordinate weddings. umm... yes please!
lovey pretty things + organizing = good stuff

i always mean to take pictures of the events ITN does but when they are happening we are typically too busy to stop and take any. so here is a moment captured by the wedding photographer while we were stuffing ourselves with in-n-out.

click this. scroll to the bottom. far right.

so classy.
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