THIS IS MY 300TH POST!almost exactly two years ago i started this blog to post pictures and anything i thought my friends and i would find funny. basically twitpic before it existed.
ive tried to always keep this place light hearted and stayed away from the diary style, not to say i don't enjoy reading those, its just not me to do that. and i wanted to stay out of the drama and vulnerability that can occur when you open up about things. buuut, seeing as this is a big milestone and its my blog i thought id update you on myself from then and now. ive been kinda putting this off because ive been having a heavy heart lately and didn't want to sound like i wasn't happy or grateful or COMPLAINING. heaven forbid.
i had just moved out of an apt my little brother & i shared (praise the Lord!) and into an apt Brenda and i shared (praise the Lord again!) . it was her first time moving away from her family and our first time living together like that. then after an attempted robbery and coming home to cops breaking into the drunk neighbor's place we moved into what has been dubbed "the sheshack" with Jolene and Heather. but heath got hitched and Linds moved in. and then came June :)
i had just started going back to rcc at night to finish up my general ed and raise my GPA to apply for Chapman. after working full time and going to school full time for a year and half i applied to Chapman university's dodge college for a BA in film production. i got on the waiting list but didn't make it in. mixed emotions about this. i really did want to get in but deep down inside the insecure me i was petrified if i did actually get accepted. my gift for finding the silver lining helped me realize its all good. now i won't be putting myself in huge debt and it won't hold up plans on buying a house and getting married.
i still work for my family's companies. bummed on this. especially as of lately. its so hard to work with your family. but im trying to get out and applying for other jobs elsewhere.
my love and our relationship has grown so much in the past two years. i still have a hard time accepting His grace. i get stuck in the cycle of when i do something bad i want to retreat and stop going to church and talking to Him. i guess i just get ashamed. even when i ask for forgiveness i cant shake that guilty feeling even though i know He has forgotten about it. ill never comprehend His love and grace.
ive added a few new tattoos and removed a piercing. after seeing this really annoying guy with the same lip piercing as me at the angels game on my birthday last year i removed it the next day. and in April 08 Geoff and i ended up hanging out a whole day together and we got our lips tattooed by Los. Geoff got the word "PRAY" and i got "i [heart] [pic of ice cream cone]". surprisingly mine it still there and legible but Geoff's "P" faded quick and now his says "RAY". i also got the tops of my feet done. its this painting i saw by Lynette may that i fell in love with a while ago. my mom cried and hit my arm when she saw it. she has a love/hate with my tattoos. hates that i did it but loves to show them off to her friends.
oh my love life.... when i first started this i was dating Jonathan. but after a few breakups we realized we were better friends. and to this day he is still one of my good friends. a few months after Jonathan, Geoff and i started talking and quickly fell hard for each other. there was a lot of drama with that. seems everyone else saw it before we did. but we took the high road and kept our mouths shut as not to feed into the gossip and lies. thankfully all that drama has subsided (as it should after we've being together over a year). he'll be home in 5 days! hes been gone for about 2 months and absence has totally made our hearts grow founder (as if they could). and in all honesty, i didn't except to miss him this much! ive never done the long distance thing for this long. wasn't too bad though. just hearing his voice is like seeing him. but i cant wait to have my best friend back in my arms.
my birthday is next week and i definitely have a case of the quarter life crisis. (Gabe and Chris, my apologies for making fun of you both when you turned this age and went thru it. and if you didn't know i made fun of you im sorry again for letting you know via this paragraph) i totally want the hubs, the home, and a career. what the hell?! when did i start wanting these huge responsibilities?
ive just been reevaluating everything in my life the past few months and have been trying to move forward but i keep getting slamming doors and No's. basically all my plans and back up plans for this year aren't going to happen. getting into Chapman- denied. buying my own place- gotta save up a lil' more. and finding a new job that ill actually like- harder than i thought. its starting to weight heavy on my confidence. But i know God is faithful and He's got something going on. im just trying to keep my eyes open and my heart ready.
and finally... you guys:
what this first started out i think just Mark and Gabe were the only ones reading this but it quickly became many more people. some of you i haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet but hope to someday. and i get a good amount of visitors coming through here whenever i post something new(and man, did you guys REALLLLYYY like that look-a-like post!) and can see where you all are from. from corona to NY to England to Singapore. its crazy and i am humbled. apologies for my bad grammar. but you keep coming back so you must not mind.
so ya, im not a failure, i swear. i am blessed and don't know why. ive got my God, my love, beautiful friends and a roof over my head.
stoked. on. life.