So, I'm a little late on this post. Ive been sitting on the idea of writing this for a few weeks because i kinda didn't know how to go about it. I wanted it to be real but real for me equals being frank and over sharing and i know Geoff wouldn't appreciate that. But i didn't want to be fake and say its all sunshine and giggles either. So i think Ive managed to draw that fine line between being honest and still respecting the privacy of our marriage and the intimate stuff.
Some days I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that him and i are a team for forever. And let me say, we are a kick ass team together. We are now at the point where we just both start working without having to say anything and we get stuff done. I'm still learning that he is a grown man and doesn't need my direction on everything. Crazy concept for me to grasp. Ive just never really seen a self sufficient man before at home. My mom always did everything to take care of my brother and step dads.
Ive always wanted to be married since i can remember. I though that it would be awesome to live with the guy you trust with everything, your best friend, love, companion and that all my insecurities would disappear, and God would just be the center of it all. But it doesn't actually happen that way. Ive realized that yes, it is amazing and fun to live with my husband and play house, but, my insecurities haven't gone away. They've more shape shifted into different ones. Not that he doesn't do a good job of making me feel loved and safe, its just that I'm a human and sometimes my brain goes to worse-case-scenario on auto and i cant seem to flip that switch to off. I also didn't realize that you have to actually work at keeping God at the center of the marriage. At least for us. I love hanging out with Geoff and if hes home i usually just want to be in the same room as him (remember its only been 3 months) still. So finding that time, alone, when i can just talk and hang out with God has been challenging for me. Before we were married i had my mornings, evenings, and late nights to myself and would be able to talk with God. Before we were married i thought that when we did get married things wouldn't change so much because of the fact that we are always together. But, now, in retrospect, i can see we weren't together nearly as much as we are now and i have to discipline myself to leave and take that "me" time. It benefits us both. Luckily (sorta), Geoff has only been home from touring about a month and a half worth of time since we've been married. So Ive been able to get lots of alone time when hes gone.
Its gotten even harder when he leaves now. Before we were married it didn't hurt when he left and i was totally fine and cool with it. I missed him, ya, but not like it is now. I think its a combo of living in a new, unfamiliar area, no friends right up the street or coming over for visits and the fact that this is now our home and its not home without him. I get excited for him when he leaves for tour because its for ministry and they are always showing people Christ's love who have a serious misconception of what that looks like. But I'm also so bummed because I'm sleeping alone, coming home to a empty house and for the first few days all i want to do is bum it at home on the couch till hes back! BUT, when he does leave i tend to eat way healthier and exercise more. I bought a few of the Biggest Loser Workout DVDs and since the first time i caught Geoff trying to video tape me working out... he cant be trusted. Plus, the guy has a metabolism every girl dreams of and he can eat whatever he wants without worry of getting fat. Meanwhile I have a metabolism of a old old woman. I've started eating as much raw foods as possible (with the exception of grilled chicken) and have lost weight and my stomach has never felt better!
Other things I've realized since marrying Geoff:
-I will never be able to have a son named Beau (Bo). Because really, who wants to do that to a child- Beau Brouillette? and i really liked that name...
-My childhood dream of a shorter last name will never happen. Its ONE LETTER LONGERR. Oh well, at least its at the top of the alphabet.
-I still feel like a perv buying condoms. Not that i was buying them before, but this one time, it was a few days before our wedding and we were at the pharmacy and i was at the counter picking up my birth control pills. Geoff comes walking up and slams down this Costco size box of condoms! And the pharmacy technician is this guy i went to high school with but we aren't really friends, more acquaintances, and Ive been getting my birth control from this guy since we were like eighteen and i always thought, this guy probably things I'm a slut because i use birth control. So when Geoff, lost in the thrill of being able to buy condoms, slams down that box, i turn bright red. I explained to my high school acquaintance-friend that we are getting married in a few days and he laughs and tells me hes getting hitched in may and we all start chatting it up and condoms are just building friendships!
A few days ago we finally ran out (heyooo) and i had to get some more before Geoff came home. 3 months married and i still feel like a perv buying them.
-Watching Geoff play video games has become increasingly less interesting...
-Toothpaste cleans a diamond ring better than ring cleaner. So in the morning when i brush my teeth, i brush the ring.
We are still in the process of getting our minds to remember that we aren't two lives anymore that its one now. Not that we weren't considerate before but its more an issue with money. Like if i wanted to start a membership here and he wanted to buy something expensive there, we are still getting used to checking in with the other on that. And boy, has money never been so tight as its been these past few months. God's been blessing us with just enough to make ends meet so we are making it but with a lot of superficial/social sacrifices. We cut back on eating out, gas, buying clothes, going to the movies, pretty much buying anything. We've been doing really great at it really. It just sucks sometimes because with our friends, going out and eating is a very social thing and we're not doing that as often as we used to. Geoff was unemployed for 3 weeks so that hit our bank account pretty hard but now hes working for my family 3 days a week in the shop making things with steel and being manly. Let me tell you, my husband looks so sexy working out there. Just sayin'... So hopefully once this tour season is over we will have a second income that will come in more consistently. Thankfully, Geoff made us each save up a lot of money before we could get married and its all come in handy.
Babes. They are still on hold for us for about 4-5 years. Not only are we petrified to have one but i dont think we are mentally or financially ready anytime soon. Only i will say this, seeing our friends with babies does me make excited to have one in the future with him. Ive never felt that before until recently. We joke about what names to name them and how we only want boys. Well that last part isnt a joke.One thing that worries me about having a kid with Geoff is that hes too loving and wont be the disciplinarian. He just wants to be the cool dad and the favorite. I can see that now in how he treats June. Im always the one to enforce rules and while he just wants to let her do whatever.
Another thing we're realizing how we both argue and fight. He is usually silent and wont talk till he's ready (which is about 20-30 mins). When i get my feelings hurt, i want to talk about it till i feel better which doesn't really work with him so its still a learning process for us. Some space is usually the answer. Then we talk it out.
So, all in all, this time in our marriage is going great. I know I'm learning more and more about him and myself all the time. Marriage isn't as easy as i thought it would be, and i really thought i had over thought it enough and realized what it would be like. I'm still in awe of who i married all the time and how much i love him and he actually loves me. Hes more than i ever expected and knew that i wanted and i thank God endlessly for Geoff.
Here is a video of a conversation between geoff and i.
I was initially just trying to capture him singing while playing CODMW2 buuut it just got better so i kept it recording.
He had no idea the whole time it was taping, i promise! When he finally saw it on my computer last night he died laughing at himself.
so NSFW. a few f-bombs and such.
Be blessed,
Mrs. B.
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