broken hearted

tonight my brother james called me to let me know that our stepmom is in newport this weekend visiting her dad for his birthday and neglected to let my brother james or i know because she didnt want to make a big thing about it. 

uuuhh......my stepmom, whos been my stepmom since i was 7, who lives in colorado with my father and their two kids, who hasnt seen me in a year and my brother in almost two years was within driving distance and didnt want to see us. 

we only found out because my 8 year old brother Brett called and told James. 

let down and sad doesnt even describe the feeling i have inside. 
why didnt she want to see us?
why didnt she want to catch up and maybe get a bite to eat?
why didnt my dad tell us?
why is it okay for her to fly out here for her dads birthday but my dad cant fly out here to see us?
why wont he answer my phone calls, texts or emails?
why wont he visit us or pay to have us visit him?

when did i become part of my dads other family?

why after all this time and after so much shit do i still hurt by him?

why couldnt i have gotten a better caring loving father? one who actually really loves me and wanted to get to know me? one who didnt leave.
one that could have showed me what a real man is. 


India Daisy said...

ah sweet pea, this is a sad story!

They Call Me Nails. said...

im in the same boat. i love you.

Lisa Marcia said...

I'm sorry C! Being let down by people you expect to love you a certain way really really sucks. While my story isn't exactly the same, I can relate on another level.

Your expectations of reciprocal love are smashed by this overwhelming sense of refusal to embrace the relationship. I experienced this so many times with a close family relationship.....it sucks.

It's never going to just "go away" but something that helped me after 6+ years of hurt was realizing that my expectations needed to be different. Otherwise, I was letting them rule my reaction....it wasn't easy, it took me 6 years! But now, its a better, not the most ideal, but better.

Stuff will continue to pop up and stuff will still sting, but knowing you are loved by those that truly know you helps just a bit. I find the people who refuse to try in a relationship don't really know YOU! So, why continue to have an expectation when they don't even know u? Sadly, its sometimes with those who should know us most intimately!

candice valdespino said...

thanks guys. i appreciate your thoughts.

Jolene said...

I'm sorry too Candice. Even though time moves on and more often than not we don't think about it, when situations like this arise so do the emotions and the dormant pain.

there's nothing to say to help, but when I find myself with those thoughts I remind myself that my dad is a hurt person and he although he should... he doesn't know any better.

You are awesome and sadly, it's their loss :(

I love you!

Es said...

A little late on this boat, but sorry none the less. No new words to say just a reminder that you are loved. And that you know a heavenly father who wants to be a part of you life in every way. Love you miss you.

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