ur doin it wrong

How have people been getting this so wrong for so long? How are there people like the Phelps family, people wanting to burn the Qur'an, and others who claim to be Christians yet persecute people who don't believe what they believe? How is that anything like what Christ would do?!

Im sorry but i thought Christians are supposed to strive to be like Him. Jesus NEVER did this to anyone he came across. He didn't lecture them, talk down or guilt them. HE DIDN'T CONDEMN THEM. He forgave them and loved them. Christ's death made a new covenant making the old one (the one God gave Moses) obsolete. Why do people still want to judge, condemn and persecute others based on the laws of the old covenant?

And please, don't think for one second that those people are doing all this persecuting "in love" because its not. If you believe that then you should really (re)read what the Bible says about love. God is love and He is not in any of those acts that they are showing. Its all in fear. And fear is not of God.
GOD LOVES THEM. He loves them, He loves those you don't love and yet He still loves us! And Newsflash: You are not sinless. I am not sinless. Sin is a sin. 

And what do these people who are protesting and screaming from their soap box really think is going to happen? Like some gay person is going to be like, "oh, since you outlawed us to get married i guess i just wont be gay anymore" or "since you've really showed me how loving and accepting your god is i should become just like you and tear others down". Nobody is going to come to know God if you're misrepresenting Him. Show them who He is with your love and compassion! They will notice Him in you and want to be apart of it. want to know it. they'll want to know Him.

Ive never been so embarrassed, horrified and stirred up inside as much as ive been lately seeing people calling themselves Christians all while calling names, attacking and belittling others in the name of God. Its disgusting! Its ugly! And its not Godly or Christ like at all.

I think its time that all those people started wearing their WWJD bracelets again that way they can show their NOTW-ness and maybe take a second thought to the action they are about to take when coming into to conflict with someone who disagrees with their beliefs. 

Be Christ like. Be love.

its really happening

yesterday we got the keys to our first place, which is also geoffs first time ever moving. yeah, MOVING AT ALL. thats just crazy to me. sure ive moved 5x in the past 4 months but even before all that and when i still lived with my mom we were moving about every 1.75 years into a newer house. so needless to say we have a major decluttering operation in his room and throughout his garage.
he was saying how he felt like he was signing his life away after going over the 23 page contract and 10 different addendum's but i reassured him that its easier to get married than to get an apt these days and it will all be uphill from here on out.

and no, we wont be living together before we are married. i will be but he wont. after all this time i think we can wait another 3 weeks.



while i went back to work he started unloading my stuff from storage all alone. he is the man.
i was helping him bring in the couch and he slipped into a planter and i was laughing at him, being the supportive fiancee that i am, and in doing so didnt realize the curb coming up. feet stand still, my body goes forward, knees hit the cement, face plant into our new (to us) lazy boy couch, and expecting my fingers to be smashed off since im still gripping the bottom as it slams down on the cement. luckily the couch has feet so digits were unharmed. my knees and pride were not. as i was still laying there on the ground trying not to show my embarrassment tony comes around the corner, "AWWWW... did i miss it?!"
at least geoff got a good laugh!


i dont know why God continues to bless me with so much. i was driving to work thinking about how much He has provided for me lately and im seriously dumbfounded and humbled. when money starts running out or i dont know where i was going to live or what to do, He would provide me with just enough. Andrew opened his house up to me, Travis opened his house to june, larger than expected tax returns and to give me geoff as my husband, i mean seriously?! i just cry thinking about how He loves me and how undeserving i am to have His love and blessings. there are so many people who have less than what they need and i feel guilty. theres just not enough ways to show my love or thank Him.

23 more days.
(till im married, corre. :])

Little things

He gave me a bunch of his DVDs since I have no tv

And in exchange, when we swapped cars tonight, I made his new stereo stop flashing in DEMO mode.

Team work.


Good stuff:
Went cake tasting today mmmmm
Geoff is picking up June tomorrow from the sitters and trav is watching her
Ryan and Joanna are getting married on Friday!
I'm staying in a sweet house right now
Cassius is sleeping on the floor and sitting on command
I can move all my stuff in one car trip in my xB. Liberating.
I got a good parking spot in front of the door tonight.
God spoke to me through someone else yesterday. He told her to tell me He is listening. Always providing me with just what I need.
And I'm going to marry my best friend and the best man I know in 7 weeks!

im moving... again!

yep. that's right. its a long dramatic story so ill make this short:

• Richard didn't actually own the house. his dad does.
• dad lives in Ireland.
• when Richard broke the news to his dad that hes moving to WA to get back with his ex wife dad got mad.
• then dad found out that Richard was renting out the room.
• Dick (this is when his name changes from Richard to the abbreviated form of his name) wasn't allowed to.
• i get a not-so-nice phone call from Ireland.
• Dick moves out the next day.
• i need to be out by January 15th.

awesome.
this all happen within 2 hours, which was 4 hours before Sleeping Giants last show this tour, which was geoffs first day home. welcome home, honey-- im a stress case-- so glad you're back.

oh, but Dick said he'd be so gracious to write me a reference letter for my next place. thank you Mr helpful.

so ya, i think i may move into my brothers house for a month or two. just until i find out if mine and Geoff's offer on a house gets accepted. if it doesn't then ill be getting an apt which means i will need to find June a new home.
in a perfect world, my dream world:

1. God gives us this house
2. we have a short easy escrow
3. i get to keep June
4. all by march.

we're praying for extra favor from God.
honestly, i don't know what He's doing but i think this all must be to get me away from my "things" and out of any comfort zone that i once had and what i considered "home" to me. because for months now i haven't really had a home base. and each time i move i bring less and less with me. some goes to storage, some to sell and some just trashed. and moving into my little brothers house and staying in their spare bedroom will be the ultimate humbling experience. but this time i will literally be bringing nothing with me since its already furnished.
that means no more baking supplies, no sewing, less crafts, no style school projects that i paid in advanced and was looking forward to(!), no video editing, just less of the me that i was starting to really like in my life.
besides my car for my transportation i will be totally relying on others for the next few months.
i don't like that.

i know this is supposed to be a blog without complaints so i apologize for being such a negative nancy lately. i know it could be worse and im seriously grateful so much. when im in my room and driving i often think of all the things im grateful for that Gods given me. mainly its my mind being blown by how much He actually loves me the same today as he did when im a crappy person and that i have such beautiful wondering supportive friends.

sorry again this is all long winded and for breaking my own "no complaints" rule.

back to the regular program tomorrow.

oh, and something i found funny.... before leaving for tour for a month Geoff said, "i dont care if you move again because i wont be here to help you this time (evil cackle)!" welp buddy, guess what situation you just came home to! haha! sigh.... nothing makes or break a relationship like moving 3x in three months.

when "IF" turns into "when"

ever since ever i've never really had that desire to be a mom. which is weird being a little girl and not wanting to babysit or hold babies and is really weird being a woman and not wanting to really be a mom. i think a lot attributed to not growing up around any babies or really little kids and every time i did try to hold or watch them it always turned into both of us crying.
but a few years ago i realized my lack of desire was more of a fear. it was the fear of actually birthing something.
now this next part is going to sound selfish but.... besides being freaked out by labor i also did not want my body to be wreck by giving birth and my husband not find me attractive anymore.
see i had actually heard my friends husband make such terrible comments about how her body isn't the same and she will never looks as good again. and to top it off i guess he saw her push the baby out. yeahh.... what he said about down there you can imagine. so ya, that basically scared the shit out of me. and i know what some of you are thinking, that guy is a jerk for saying that stuff about his wife, but he was being honest. and it really did rock my world. i had heard men say how sexy their woman was pregnant with their child and stuff like that. naturally i kinda felt i was fed some fairytale b.s. again.

years later after seeing a few friends go through adopting kids (one was "open adoption" and the other was "foster to adopt". they both has a fairly easy process from some of the stories ive been told) i knew in my heart that is where i will get my kid from. i just felt it. i mean why bring another child into the world when there are so many already without moms & dads and homes and love? i later felt that confirmed by God and so i broke the news to my mom that i had no plans to give her any grand kids of blood relation. she said she will love them just the same and was just relieved to hear that i would actually be open to having kids someday.

there were even a couple of guys who i was sorta talking to (like that) that said they would never adopt. that they needed a brood of their own flesh and blood. and they told me it was honorable that i wanted to adopt. yes, because loving another human being is honorable.
i later stopped taking offense to comments like this and realized its just not every one's cup of tea.

im not sure what it really is; confidence in being a woman, God working on my heart, maturing, and/or geoff being the amazing patient man he is, but...

...i would totally be up for having one (1). someday far far FAR away.

i really do contribute a lot of it to geoff. no person has ever made me feel more loved and beautiful than he does. i wouldn't be afraid or ashamed of my body after giving birth. plus i find him way sexy and who wouldn't want to procreate with this! amiright? plus, the world could use another one of him around.

also, after reading this guy's blog about his wife's pregnancy and her labor it really inspired me and mixed up some emotions. ladies, i encourage you to click that link and read their labor story. guys, its written by the man and its all in his perspective so you might find it really interesting as well.

well, yeah, i ask to hold babies now and will even point out their cuteness to friends. it sounds stupid, i know. but ask brenda and she can tell you the day i pointed out a cute baby in another car we both gave each other that "what the f*** did you just say?" look.


and im done being really open and over sharing now. hope i didn't bore you. or gross you out. just wanted to share a small part of my heart that God has seriously done an overhaul on.

the sweetest remedy

anxiously waiting about everything
with prayer and petition and thanksgiving
You transcend all understanding
putting to rest my heart and mind

Philippians 4:6 just putting me at ease...

mine's not a high horse

Last night brenda, jolene and i went out and treated ourselves to ah-maz-zing dinner at the melting pot (they set our chocolate on fire). Every Tuesday they have this "girls night out" deal (ladies, let do this at least once a month). it was so nice to just hang out and talk over fundue. we somehow got on the topic of plastic surgery and how we think God feels about it.
Where is the line drawn between sin and acceptable? is it out of self-esteem/confidence or vanity? i think obviously if there is a health benefit (ex: cant breathe through nose, cleft pallet, gastric bypass, etc.) then people are quick to excuse that. i am one of those people too. i do believe God does heal people through prayer. but isn't Him giving us talented doctors a blessing for us as well? haha
whats the difference (besides the obvious) in getting breast implants and straightening your teeth with braces? lip injection and wearing make up? or working out at the gym and losing weight? tattoos and piercings? buying fashionable clothes, jewelry and doing your hair?
is it because one is more invasive than the other that makes it a sin? or just because its more socially acceptable to wear make up and diet than have plastic surgery?
i think if the heart of it isn't glorifying God then yes, that's when it turns into sin. you are idolizing yourself.
i have heard many women quick to judge someone who has had work done when we should be loving on these people. women who are the first to condemn surgery but have tattoos, piercings and who are heavy handed with make up. how are you any different? obviously these weren't comfortable in their skin for some reason. what about the people who do it for confidence and not to be flashy or that whole "look at me"? i guess i don't see whats so wrong with person doing something to lift their self esteem if its not hurting anyone or taking attention away from God.
like my view on tattoos is pretty much the same. yes your body is a temple. but even churches have stained glass windows. they make them look beautiful in the name of God. why cant i do that on my own body? im just decorating my temple for Him.
anyhoo, i think i have rambled enough here. i would love to hear your thoughts so please share.

i'll be discussing my views on being gay tomorrow.

i kid. i kid.
...unless you really care to know haha

oh, and this is all in a loving even tone. i know that that can get lost in translation being that you are reading this and not hearing